well didn't exactly mean to... can't say "to be fair" here since honestly had a quetzalcoatl kind of night which is real fuckin embarrassing. ended up stumbling to his place.
I dunno. he's the closest thing I have to a buddy I guess.
well yeah NOW I do. just saying I think you're hot was enough to get him going off on one of his stupid rants
but I didn't say anything that sensitive. [ not that he uh remembers anyways but ] that was pretty much it. like he's a stubborn dickhead so it ain't like I'm gonna share. you know. the softer stuff. he wouldn't get it
[ but even if the "duh" tone is palpable even in text, like. he does know her, so. he just moves on. she can figure that one out herself before he digs that hole deeper. ]
and no wasn't aware but to be honest here I wouldn't take it that seriously. he doesn't like daybit either. like this is exactly why he's my acolyte. guy's just a hater for the love of the game
or I guess more accurately he doesn't get daybit but that's kinda fair. not many people do.
lemme ask it this way. you heard of anyone believing him?
[ and even if he groans to himself like he's in pain because he doesn't want to admit it... it's not like his opinion of her has changed, really. so. a little bit of honesty it is. ]
it was just a night where having some feelings right after the whole mess. back to normal now. promise. I don't like those lapses in judgement either
shouldn't be a matter of being even since this ain't the kinda thing to keep score over but I get your point
[ There's another pause in the messages, another groan session to himself... Being earnest in this way is almost unnatural for him. ]
but feel like I should be clear here just in case. the feelings I'm talking about that was just some self-pitying bullshit. over that. even I get the woe is me every couple of centuries so let's just say I was overdue and then forget I ever admitted it
once I decide I'm in someone's corner, that's not something I change my mind on. just wanted to be sure you knew that
[ ... Of course he had to end up making this more difficult than it had to be. Sighs. At least it's a decent enough metaphor, she can work with that. ]
You have to. You have made a choice, after all. And I do not begrudge you that choice. You are someone who could never stay in a corner for long. You need travel between them, Otherwise you'd be miserable.
Whereas I am someone who tends to stick to a corner. And will not tolerate for the one who chooses me to sometimes leave my corner for another's.
Trying to clumsily circumvent your choice like that... It will only invite more pain and self-pitying upon you. And on those whose corners you would share. So you need to get over those feelings, too. Otherwise your life will be one not lived.
This is what you would say to any soul under your care.
yeah. glad I decided to be clear here. I was wondering if that was the misunderstanding.
I mean this all as a friend. no romantic involvement necessary. hell I've been thinking this way for a long time, honestly. ever since I got a sense of your raw deal, more or less.
so maybe the corner ain't the best turn of phrase for it. call it my own personal stubbornness, but I don't give up on people once I decide I like them. any soul under my care is given that kind of support too. that's all I mean.
[ ... She's not sure he's being one hundred percent truthful here. Even discounting the way human bodies influence their thinking process, gods are known for not letting go easily. Ishtar is the prime example of this, even now she's still after Gilgamesh.
Even she still has some feelings that she's working on. Well, so long as he doesn't let such things get in the way of pursuing romance with Daybit, she supposes there's no need to lecture him. ]
We are in agreement then.
Well, LILITH's research team awaits me. Thank you for your prompt answer.
And be aware if I ever hear Silco say something he shouldn't know about me once again, I'll assume you are guilty and introduce you to the non-lethal Sumerian Fever. What affections I may yet bear for you won't stop me from protecting my private life.
Oh. Well as far as we know, I'm the first and only person to have fallen in a rift and returned. Not only that, the effects wore off entirely and I survived.
It's weird when you really think about it. Maybe it's thanks to my divine core, Or maybe the Beast transformation overwrote the rift effects.
LILITH seems to be pretty interested into finding out more about all that. So I offered for the researchers to look into it.
...fair point I guess. I didn't think much about it until now since it just kind of made sense that you'd have a resistance? I figure any of the divine would, really, beast or not. like the kaiju are weird and all but nothing crazier than some shit back home yknow
like it'd be one thing if I chose to get corrupted, but if it wasn't intentional? that feels like rolling the dice. has to do with self-sacrifice and how important that is for our pantheon
not saying it's a good reason exactly but more that's just how shit works for me yknow
...plus. on the less divine side of things I just wouldn't like it. I try and keep things casual when I'm hanging out down here, but the disrespect of some mortals treating me like a science project would piss me off.
It's not that bad. They've been really kind and respectful.
And you know... You don't really have to follow your usual rules here. We're disconnected from the rest of our divinity, And nothing really impacts our worlds.
What I'm trying to say is that if even I manage to change, You don't really have any excuses. Except age, I suppose.
[ He's old as all heck, that's for sure. Though she's not sure his baby days as a microscopic bacteria would count for his sentient existence... He's still older than her. ]
...you'd think. but you were also on the receiving end of my particular brand of cosmic bad luck, so I don't know man. could just be coincidence but that's also one hell of a coincidence right??? ain't no way
my serious answer is that I can't exactly resent it since I've always figured that it's part of the safety mechanisms that come with having a view into the windows of time and parallel worlds. forcing responsibility and all since as far as I know you can count the beings with that kinda insight on one hand
my joking answer is that the universe is a real dickhead that doesn't let me have any fun
[ ...But considering most of his ideas of "fun"? Yeah, no, it's probably fair, he's right. ]
anyways. all that to say that glad that they're being respectful. had a moment of concern for you there
plus gotta worry about humans and divine or scientific knowledge yknow? they get crazy way too easily about that kinda shit
Well, maybe a little bit. But I trust them more than I would their equivalent in our world.
[ Human mages are truly the worst. ]
Honestly you're too strict on yourself. No. You're making excuses. The same ones you did last time we talked of this. It feel like going in circle...
Maybe you have yet to face a "trial" of your own. I have one through quite a few ordeals in my time here... They have helped me realize those things that I otherwise never would have, Had I never been in this world in a human body. Perhaps next shall be your turn.
ha, ain't that the truth? maybe that's more the problem, I'm just a little paranoid because mages are insane fuckers. like, I like them obviously, but still! you know how many times I'd get nosy and take a peek at what they were up to and just end up shaking my head?
a lot. and when they blow themselves up (sometimes literal) they don't even get the luxury of coming to my underworld for the trouble, mostly
[ It's easier to joke about that than the other half of the message. In part, she's right, after all. He is hard on himself, but that's also why this is a little bit of a circular conversation. He's also stubborn. So, to himself, he just laughs, because he doesn't actually agree, but... He thinks it's kind of her to think so. It makes it easy to let it go. ]
but maybe you're right. we'll just have to wait and see huh?
course if I get a trial that's almost guaranteed to be something crazy and fucked up I'm ure
[ Who in the world would possibly come up with the idea of bleaching the planet? A mage, yup. But unlike him, she chooses to focus on what he wants to avoid. ]
It will likely be so. For you, at the very least. It may force you to reconsider what you believe with absolute certainty, And to change what you thought could never be changed.
Though I dare hope you will not become a Beast. I do not think our friends would be capable to overcome you. Unlike me, you wouldn't subconsciously make decisions that compromise your plan.
[ So much for his diversionary topic. He huffs out a laugh, but the reply does take longer, though @ nice toy is typing the whole time. It's harder for him to put these feelings into words, because the balance of his duties to what he personally feels...
...Well, it's where he deeply relates to her. ]
they wouldn't be able to nah
[ He does start with that, but it's not bragging, as is clear from how simply he puts it. Ironically, the only person he thinks could stand a chance would be Daybit, and that's because his extra passengers are cheaters more than anything else. More importantly, though: ]
I wouldn't mind reconsidering you know that right? ain't just me being stubborn for the sake of it. getting proved wrong for once would be nice
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Silco?
Really?
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I dunno. he's the closest thing I have to a buddy I guess.
not like I was gonna spill to daybit considering
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[ That's to "he's the closest thing I have to a buddy." It's the saddest thing she's ever heard from him. Having no friends would be preferable. ]
However, have you considered that
Saying such things to the man who has made it his life's purpose to hate, harass and kill me,
May be a bad idea?
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but I didn't say anything that sensitive. [ not that he uh remembers anyways but ] that was pretty much it. like he's a stubborn dickhead so it ain't like I'm gonna share. you know. the softer stuff. he wouldn't get it
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[ And he's just repeating it to her without a hint of shame??
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... O-Okay, okay, calm down Ereshkigal. Deep and slow breathes. ]
Are you aware he is trying to spread rumors,
That I have been trying to drive a wedge between you and Daybit?
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[ but even if the "duh" tone is palpable even in text, like. he does know her, so. he just moves on. she can figure that one out herself before he digs that hole deeper. ]
and no wasn't aware but to be honest here I wouldn't take it that seriously. he doesn't like daybit either. like this is exactly why he's my acolyte. guy's just a hater for the love of the game
or I guess more accurately he doesn't get daybit but that's kinda fair. not many people do.
lemme ask it this way. you heard of anyone believing him?
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B
But that's not the question!
[ Daybit has good taste at least. ]
I do not want for Silco to know anything about my personal life.
Find a better confidant for such matters!
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[ and even if he groans to himself like he's in pain because he doesn't want to admit it... it's not like his opinion of her has changed, really. so. a little bit of honesty it is. ]
it was just a night where having some feelings right after the whole mess. back to normal now. promise. I don't like those lapses in judgement either
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He suffered too, of course. At least he got better. She supposes she may have overreacted at Silco's statements. Better let it go. ]
I
I am glad you managed to get over those feelings.
I talked of it to a friend as well.
So I suppose we are even.
[ Nevermind Hiyori barely knew who Tezcatlipoca is, but. ]
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[ There's another pause in the messages, another groan session to himself... Being earnest in this way is almost unnatural for him. ]
but feel like I should be clear here just in case. the feelings I'm talking about that was just some self-pitying bullshit. over that. even I get the woe is me every couple of centuries so let's just say I was overdue and then forget I ever admitted it
once I decide I'm in someone's corner, that's not something I change my mind on. just wanted to be sure you knew that
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You have to.
You have made a choice, after all.
And I do not begrudge you that choice.
You are someone who could never stay in a corner for long.
You need travel between them,
Otherwise you'd be miserable.
Whereas I am someone who tends to stick to a corner.
And will not tolerate for the one who chooses me to sometimes leave my corner for another's.
Trying to clumsily circumvent your choice like that...
It will only invite more pain and self-pitying upon you.
And on those whose corners you would share.
So you need to get over those feelings, too.
Otherwise your life will be one not lived.
This is what you would say to any soul under your care.
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I mean this all as a friend. no romantic involvement necessary. hell I've been thinking this way for a long time, honestly. ever since I got a sense of your raw deal, more or less.
so maybe the corner ain't the best turn of phrase for it. call it my own personal stubbornness, but I don't give up on people once I decide I like them. any soul under my care is given that kind of support too. that's all I mean.
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Even she still has some feelings that she's working on. Well, so long as he doesn't let such things get in the way of pursuing romance with Daybit, she supposes there's no need to lecture him. ]
We are in agreement then.
Well, LILITH's research team awaits me.
Thank you for your prompt answer.
And be aware if I ever hear Silco say something he shouldn't know about me once again,
I'll assume you are guilty and introduce you to the non-lethal Sumerian Fever.
What affections I may yet bear for you won't stop me from protecting my private life.
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research team??? what's that about
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Well as far as we know, I'm the first and only person to have fallen in a rift and returned.
Not only that, the effects wore off entirely and I survived.
It's weird when you really think about it.
Maybe it's thanks to my divine core,
Or maybe the Beast transformation overwrote the rift effects.
LILITH seems to be pretty interested into finding out more about all that.
So I offered for the researchers to look into it.
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it's nice of you to offer
I think I'd tell them to fuck off if it was me
but that's me
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But even though they can't replicate divinity,
They may yet learn something by studying how I resisted.
Wouldn't you want to try and get something good out of your experience,
Had you been the one corrupted?
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like it'd be one thing if I chose to get corrupted, but if it wasn't intentional? that feels like rolling the dice. has to do with self-sacrifice and how important that is for our pantheon
not saying it's a good reason exactly but more that's just how shit works for me yknow
...plus. on the less divine side of things I just wouldn't like it. I try and keep things casual when I'm hanging out down here, but the disrespect of some mortals treating me like a science project would piss me off.
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They've been really kind and respectful.
And you know...
You don't really have to follow your usual rules here.
We're disconnected from the rest of our divinity,
And nothing really impacts our worlds.
What I'm trying to say is that if even I manage to change,
You don't really have any excuses.
Except age, I suppose.
[ He's old as all heck, that's for sure. Though she's not sure his baby days as a microscopic bacteria would count for his sentient existence... He's still older than her. ]
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my serious answer is that I can't exactly resent it since I've always figured that it's part of the safety mechanisms that come with having a view into the windows of time and parallel worlds. forcing responsibility and all since as far as I know you can count the beings with that kinda insight on one hand
my joking answer is that the universe is a real dickhead that doesn't let me have any fun
[ ...But considering most of his ideas of "fun"? Yeah, no, it's probably fair, he's right. ]
anyways. all that to say that glad that they're being respectful. had a moment of concern for you there
plus gotta worry about humans and divine or scientific knowledge yknow? they get crazy way too easily about that kinda shit
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Well, maybe a little bit.
But I trust them more than I would their equivalent in our world.
[ Human mages are truly the worst. ]
Honestly you're too strict on yourself.
No. You're making excuses.
The same ones you did last time we talked of this.
It feel like going in circle...
Maybe you have yet to face a "trial" of your own.
I have one through quite a few ordeals in my time here...
They have helped me realize those things that I otherwise never would have,
Had I never been in this world in a human body.
Perhaps next shall be your turn.
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a lot. and when they blow themselves up (sometimes literal) they don't even get the luxury of coming to my underworld for the trouble, mostly
[ It's easier to joke about that than the other half of the message. In part, she's right, after all. He is hard on himself, but that's also why this is a little bit of a circular conversation. He's also stubborn. So, to himself, he just laughs, because he doesn't actually agree, but... He thinks it's kind of her to think so. It makes it easy to let it go. ]
but maybe you're right. we'll just have to wait and see huh?
course if I get a trial that's almost guaranteed to be something crazy and fucked up I'm ure
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[ Who in the world would possibly come up with the idea of bleaching the planet? A mage, yup. But unlike him, she chooses to focus on what he wants to avoid. ]
It will likely be so.
For you, at the very least.
It may force you to reconsider what you believe with absolute certainty,
And to change what you thought could never be changed.
Though I dare hope you will not become a Beast.
I do not think our friends would be capable to overcome you.
Unlike me, you wouldn't subconsciously make decisions that compromise your plan.
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...Well, it's where he deeply relates to her. ]
they wouldn't be able to nah
[ He does start with that, but it's not bragging, as is clear from how simply he puts it. Ironically, the only person he thinks could stand a chance would be Daybit, and that's because his extra passengers are cheaters more than anything else. More importantly, though: ]
I wouldn't mind reconsidering you know that right? ain't just me being stubborn for the sake of it. getting proved wrong for once would be nice
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And I hope you will.
It's not a chance we were ever meant to have.
Just let me know when it happens.
I'm curious to see the result.