[ When in doubt, when you don't know what you say and you feel your inner self implode - a scream will do. His ears may hurt.
She covers her eyes with her hands too. T-The sunglasses aren't enough, being blind wasn't that bad after all! This is a total disaster, why did she come here? Why can't she turn back time and erase this from existence? Sniff. Whines. Sobbing. ]
[ Like. He was expecting her to scream. But it’s still way louder than he was thinking!? His ears are absolutely ringing! That must be why there was an echo that sounded far away? Definitely not Rin screaming at the same time.
She’s crying now too?? He doesn’t regret it, but damn! ]
Woah, woah, woah— You scream like that and people are gonna assume shit!
[ Like his next door neighbor. Silco. That’s surely fine. ]
[ Fine, now she's going to scream but with coherent words. Does that mean Silco may hear even more of it and realize what's going on? Probably! Unfortunately. Tis a very bad day to be Tezcatlipoca's acolyte, huh. ]
You-You are the one who is assuming things!
[ Clearly. She's just being reasonable and totally not emotional. ]
I just thought when you rescued me... [Why would he break his rules if not because he's in love? And then you add all of his stalking, the flowers and so on. It started painting a very clear picture! Like heck if she's gonna elaborate though.] B-But that's nonsense! And you have Daybit!
[ He already has only five minutes a day, could you imagine if he had to share them? The poor man! ]
[ Tezcatlipoca’s cheeky smile stays in place for a good bit while she exasperatedly parses through things, but it’s the mention of Daybit that finally pierces his smug, mischievous aura. His expression falls, but it’s into an expression that’s hard to decipher. It’s thoughtful, but there’s much more to it than that. ]
…Ah. That’s…
[ That’s something he doesn’t know how to explain. His fondness for Daybit was something he’d had trouble accepting, as she’d personally seen. He’s still not even sure that it fits into the boxes she’s imagining. He’s not sure if it fits into any box at all, because there’s truly no one like them. Tezcatlipoca’s circumstances were unique, sure, but Daybit’s were shockingly unique for a mortal.
…But it’s not like Ereshkigal’s were much better. It’s why he’s had to think about it, and he’s still not sure if he has any kind of answer that would be satisfying for her. Like, he wouldn’t call himself a playboy, but he’s a god that’s always fucked around. He’s a trickster god, so that feels as natural as breathing, and it comes with the additional weight that his mischief is for a purpose. That’s what makes this a little more complicated for him. This—If it was anything, it was for himself. He’s not sure if that’s “allowed”.
It's why he stops teasing. His expression becomes more serious as he sighs. He really wishes he had a smoke right about now, but he’s not about to get up to fetch them. ]
—Look. I respect you and care about you. I think that goes without saying at this point. [ And he said it anyways, but. He pauses, then continues just as calmly. ] The way I favor you and the way I favor Daybit, it ain’t the same.
... It's understandable. It would be like expecting me to care for you as I do for my little grape. [She's accepted her feelings for Ritsuka are a result of her having been the first person being so kind and friendly to her, and she's also accepted Ritsuka is unlikely to love her that way when she has hundreds of Servants. But that doesn't mean she is rid of those feelings. It's not that simple.] I could never.
[ It would be cruel to ask either of them to abandon their fondness for their respective human. She supposes to him, it's not a problem. Most gods are known to take on a multitude of lovers without problem. But on her end...
The thought is terrifying.
Always wondering if you're truly loved. If your partner loves their other partner more. If their other partner provides them with more comfort and love. If they spend more time together than you do. If they want to spend less time with you because they prefer being together. The fear would be constant and overwhelming, especially for someone with abysmal self-esteem such as her. ]
I think... My emotions have been left a tangled mess after I fell into the rift. [Does she even have feelings for him that developed the more they spent time together? Or is what she feels just a result of her imagination going wild when he rescued her? She slowly shakes her head.] Flowers don't belong to my Underworld anyway.
[ Tezcatlipoca’s expression remains difficult, because this is a subject that is difficult, and therefore he finds that personally annoying. He’s an all-knowing ([citation needed]) god who should be able to easily and cleverly respond to anything. It truly is rare that he struggles in the slightest, but this is apparently the subject that trips him up. Maybe it’s fitting, since there’s some irony in such a god not being as adept with his own feelings, but it doesn’t make it better.
Their thoughts are going in two different directions, though. She’s right that the very idea itself isn’t a problem to him, since this is an area where they’re opposites. Where her self-esteem is so low, his is maybe too high. He’s someone that’s completely unselfconscious. However… It’s not like there isn’t a concern at all. Saying it that way—favor—that’s because he’s reluctant to extend care too far. It’s his curse, his destiny, whatever you want to call it, but it’s absolute. When he likes something, it backfires. So, from her tone, he realizes that she’s taken a different meaning from it.
He makes a frustrated little noise, since explaining that probably won’t be any better, but. Mulling over his words there is short-lived when she gets to her point. He frowns much more deeply, and he looks and sounds surprisingly stern. ]
Of course not! But... [She sighs and turns back to him.] There is such a thing as being realistic and responsible.
[ She sounds surprisingly serious and composed. Even though on the inside she is the most unimaginable mess in existence right now, this is a situation that calls for her to speak properly and not panic. And when needed, she can control herself - she'll just need some alone time afterward to recover is all. ]
I tried growing every seeds I ever got my hands on in the Underworld. Enkidu themselves tried getting flowers to grow. [Which - if he knows anything at all about Enkidu - should be an indictment of how helpless the cause is. If they couldn't, nobody can.] The solution you're proposing, it's really the only way, isn't it?
[ Merlin did it too when we fought Tiamat. He turned her tide into flowers, and they all vanished when he left. It makes sense honestly. If the Underworld rejects all forms of life, then someone who is capable of summoning flowers may be a way to cheat the way Kûr functions. ]
But what do you figure would happen? [She's not wording it more properly, but. Considering the misunderstandings and tension right now, she can't imagine something wouldn't happen after a hundred years spent mostly alone together in Kûr.] And how do you believe I would react knowing your thoughts oft drift towards others you "favor?" Knowing I am one of many?
[ The mere thought is unbearable. Thank goodness she's managing to hold onto the serious mode or her distress would show. ]
[ His expression stays cold and stubborn as she explains the technical aspects. When it comes to the flowers themselves, it’s frustrating that she could have a solution within reach and then just refuse to grasp it. It feels self-sabotaging and self-defeating which admittedly does fit her sometimes gloomy personality… But that’s all the more reason to seize it, in his opinion. It’s basically a miracle, and he doesn’t give it lightly.
So, her sticking point is a little surprising. It shows on his face for a moment, but it ends up softening his expression again as he dips his head into a laugh. It’s not mocking, just surprised, since that just feels so… human. He wasn’t expecting the problem to be exclusivity, so he plays off his laughter with a joke first. ]
Hey, who’s skipping steps now? What if I’m a terrible hang?
[ But he doesn’t give her the time to do much more than maybe squawk indignantly, since he continues after a little sigh. ]
…Maybe I’m teasing too much, though. [ YOU THINK? ] I got a point here, so bear with me. That’s not what I meant by favor, but there just ain’t a good word to encapsulate the depth of it. When I told you about Daybit—you know when I said that favor is against the rules?
[ It’s a bit of a rhetorical question, but he still pauses to wait for her response. He’s explaining it after all, he guesses. ]
She can scarcely believe what her ears just heard. Is that one of those rare and elusive moments of self-awareness? Is he capable of admitting when he goes too far? Truly a man full of surprises. ]
So what is it you mean by favor then?
[ She's not going to play riddles and make guesses. This is important to her! He has no problems being straightforward usually, so she expects the same directness right here and now.
Evidently "favor" is a word he uses to mean a whole lot of things, and not necessarily the same ones depending on people. So his explanation better not be another riddle. ]
[ That scathing look really just makes him want to tease more, but it’s also because he would happily continue to avoid explaining this. It’s not simple, for one, but it’s also something that he just has complicated feelings about personally. He can play it off, but still. He sighs and reaches up to rub a hand through his hair, then sits back again. ]
Well, we can chalk it up to our shared language not being quite as precise. There’s the favor I give to people that undertake my trials, like Silco. Icnelia. That kind of favor is allowed for the god of impartiality, because our language, it’s poetry. That words means favoring and befriending someone, but when a god shows it? It also means bringing their death.
[ That’s not really what she asked, though. It might feel like he’s being evasive, but as his expression softens a little, it’s… sincere. It’s sincere in a way that’s very rare for him. This is clearly part of the explanation after all. ]
—But the favor we’re talking about here, it’s not that. It’s tlazotli. Holding something as more important, which is where it gets complicated.
[ …Technically, that’s not quite the translation, but. If he gives it literally, she’ll definitely get the wrong idea, so he’ll keep it simpler. ]
That’s against the rules. Call it a curse or bad luck or whatever, but the more I actually give a shit about something, the worse it turns out. [ He scoffs as he shrugs. ] It’s why I can’t shoot for shit. I like guns, but they’re uncooperative with me because I like ‘em.
[ It’s easier to make that joke and comparison, since it’s understandable. The cause and effect is obvious there. With people? Even he doesn’t know. Even when he could see the future clearly, those details always became fuzzy. Seeing the future also means you can’t touch your own. Even so. ]
Doesn’t stop me from trying, though. That’s what tlazotli means. Even if I know it won’t turn out well for me, I still want to give it.
[ Mhm. So essentially, that means whenever he grants anyone his favor in such a way, he unlocks the famed E-Rank luck. Does that mean he is knowingly dooming Daybit to fail in his endeavor? That's pretty rude. Least he could do is unsummon himself so his Master get a shot at a Servant who won't accidentally curse the whole endeavor because he cares too much.
It's sad though. Not being able to love anyone because you're all alone is terrible. Being able to and it always leading to a bad ending? That's even worse. But: ]
You didn't answer my question.
[ Nice try, Tezcoo. But she's not letting that slide. ]
You've explained the consequences for you to give out this kind of favor, but you have barely touched on what said favor is. [A pause.] I believe there are more than enough words in the language we currently share for you to give a well-detailed yet concise explanation.
[ She stares at him. Intently. Coldly. She knows the tricks. ]
[ He chokes out an uncomfortable noise, because he wasn’t actually trying to be sneaky here! He was just… hoping to not have to get pinned down by a specific answer. If this feels reminiscent of their conversation over Valentine letters, that’s completely fair, because it’s the same thing underpinning it. When it comes to actually putting that kind of favor into words— ]
What? That was clear from my actions, wasn’t it?
[ No. It was not. He’s still trying to sneak around it... ]
I gave up my organs to find you. Came down to the Underworld to see what made you decide that being a Beast was the way to go. Dove into the kinda death that’s for real for us both.
[ Which is all true, sure, but she knows it. It’s recent, and it doesn’t answer her question either. He huffs out a frustrated noise again but rubs his face with a hand. This shouldn’t be so difficult, and yet. ]
…I want you to get to be happy. Be a little less lonely, make an Underworld that’s more beautiful, whatever. For both of you, I see a fate that isn’t a fair one. So, I want to change it. No matter what that means for me.
[ She keeps staring at him. Unflinching. Her eyes not blinking once behind the sunglasses. It's rare to see Ereshkigal be that serious. Outside of when she is conducting her duties, it basically never happens.
So that's his answer. It appears to be something of an effort for him to say those words. And even then, it feels like he's still desperately trying to avoid employing other words. For the first time, she feels like the word "pathetic" may apply very accurately to Tezcatlipoca. That's the only appropriate word to describe such a sad display of avoidance and inability to express oneself.
And lo! She starts crying out loud. Whether Tezcatlipoca was actually being pathetic or not, he doesn't have to worry about it because she's making sure the crown for being a pathetic god remain firmly seated on her head.
It's true, he gave his organs for her. Risked death. And he's now offering to share in her fate. T-That's a lot, when she hears it being enumerated like that. Sniff. Sobbing. ]
I... I don't know what to say...
[ Literally, the software that is her soul just wasn't prepared for things to go that far today!
But there's still that little thing about exclusivity. M-Maybe she could kill everyone who gets his favor? No, bad thought. Besides, that'd just confirm his "it always goes wrong" curse. No way she would reinforce that.
So... She needs time. Because right now she doesn't know what to say or do. ]
[ …See, this is more what he was expecting, but. It doesn’t make it all that much better?? Like, he prefers this to the extremely stern, about-to-receive-a-goddess’s-wrath gaze, but people are definitely going to get the wrong idea if there’s anyone nearby. Why couldn’t this have been after the rooms got better soundproofing?! ]
Sheesh… You’re hopeless.
[ There’s no bite in the words, though. Maybe this also something he sighs out for himself too. That inner monologue of hers is spot on, after all. But rather than just passively watch this time, he shifts closer and opens an arm up for her to slot into. Normally, he’d just go for the hug, but considering her interesting ideas about intimacy, he figures it’s better for her to take that slight initiative. ]
C’mere.
[ But whether she takes the offer or not, his words are the same. ]
You don’t have to. I meant what I said back then. I’m in your corner, no matter what.
[ It's okay, Silco is probably thinking he just made her cry real hard with some next-level cruelty. That means he can get some blissful sleep and remain unaware of the strange and - quite frankly - unexpected truth. Poor Tezcatlipoca is going to have some difficult talk to have with his acolyte afterward.
... Christmas dinners are going to be awkward, huh. ]
....?
[ Is... Is he offering her a hug?
She just stares at him for a moment, totally unsure what to do. Ereshkigal has hugged many of her friends, she's done it quite a bit actually. One could say she's become somewhat of a hug monster over her stay in this world! And she even hugged him once in a gesture of friendship.
But... That's so different right now.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Well clearly she can't make a decision. So that means she should act on impulse and without thinking! And so she goes for it and crash into him. Well not literally crash, but she does do it pretty quickly so he may feel the impact all the same. And she keeps crying, just against his shoulder now. ]
[ Tezcatlipoca definitely huffs out a woah when she half-crashes into him, because even if he was expecting the impact if she took up the offer, she’s still strong! It’s at least not like some people who don’t know their own strength (Quetzalcoatl…), so he quickly recovers, and it’s with a quiet little laugh at just how aggressively she’d taken the offer. He doesn’t make fun of her, though.
He just wraps his arms around her and holds her.
It’s not a tight embrace, so she can easily pull away when she feels like it, but it’s still warm and quiet. He doesn’t even smell the cigarette smoke that might be expected—it’s campfire and copal. He leans his head against hers lightly and just holds her in this gentle way. It’s all understated, which suits him, but it’s not lacking in comfort. Sometimes this is all a soul at his campfire wants, after all.
She’ll strike up the conversation when she’s ready.
[ He better gets used to it! The day of the wedding, he's the one getting bridal carried away, not her!
... In all seriousness though, it does feel nice. Not just hugging a friend but something - someone - who is precious to her in a different and unique way. She could get used to it. W-Which means she probably shouldn't linger for too long! After a moment of silence and when her tears have finally receded, she does finally pull back.
She keeps her eyes closed and takes a deep breath. ]
I... I am going to need some time.
[ Sometimes she does things on impulse but this situation deserves for her to seriously think about it. Especially since it's not just about her. With everything she has learned, one thing is clear: Tezcatlipoca can get hurt and suffer a whole lot, in ways physical wounds are unable to compare. And while he may be used to such suffering...
... She doesn't want to add to it. She cares just as much as he does ]
Suggesting you change your ways would be an extremely selfish and ultimately futile act. [She can't just ask him to "favor" only her and forget everyone else. Besides she knows she's in the minority here. Most gods don't care about exclusivity - and even fewer think about love and romance the way she does.] But I cannot ignore what my heart tells me either.
[ She knows herself. Should she overlook this difference between them and go ahead with all of this... She knows her insecurities and fears may turn this into a nightmare. One that would affect them both. She needs to think about all of this. Maybe reassess some truths she took as absolute.
... Hopefully nothing's going to happen in the coming days that complicate this train of thought. She turns around towards the door. ]
But no matter what conclusion I ultimately reach... [She tilts her head back and smiles at him.] Know I favor you, too.
[ She kind of gets it now. It's a good word to use that leaves a lot up to the imagination - she doesn't have to use more explicit and dangerous words when she uses that one! Well, she would never do it normally... But since he's the one who started this, she sees no problem with it. ]
[ He relaxes to let her pull back, and he nods to her words, since that’s expected. They’ve thrown a lot at each other here, though he does laugh when she acknowledges the differences at their approach. ]
Wouldn’t ask you to either. I feel the same way that we are who we are. [ …He’d been trying to avoid using words like this, but when it’s a joke, it’s not so bad. Maybe. ] Besides, can you even imagine me as the more romantic type? Doesn’t fit at all. I’m the cool, aloof anti-hero, if anything.
[ He has genre awareness here, though his is from movies rather than books… But it’s a playful joke to soften some of the tension, and he gives her a more sincere smile in return to hers. ]
So, take your time. If I’ve got your favor, then I’ll be satisfied either way.
[ It’s a cool line to end things on! Very fitting for that cool, aloof anti-hero thing!
…But he does have another thought, or rather. He has a vision of the potential future. Not as in his prescience, but as in being intuitive enough to see potential future headaches on the horizon (he has no idea). So, with a little “ah” and a pause, because this will really take away from the moment, but. ]
…And, uh. You screamed and then cried pretty loud, so if anyone comes to yell at me about it, I’m sending them your way.
[ like look he wants to be the bad boy but not THAT kind of bad boy,,, ]
[ Honestly? Yes, she can imagine him as the more romantic. He's proven before to be absolutely unpredictable, and nobody in their right mind would be able to see him doing anything remotely romantic.
Therefore, that means he is likely to defy those expectations. Flawless deduction, if she says so herself. Besides, if she is to be honest, traditional heroes are the most boring romantic leads. You want someone who can do crazy things out of the blue to keep the story interesting, like awaken ORT to devour the planet or become a Beast intent on destroying the world.
... But of course he gotta say something that totally ruins the tone of the entire conversation. Sighs. Just as she's about to leave his room, she pauses and says: ]
Silco's next door, yes? [It's going exactly where he thinks it's going.] Well since he's your acolyte, I see no reason to lie to him.
[ And lo, she leaves!
... He may want to avoid sending people her way. Whatever trouble may arise from dealing with people who wonders why he made her cry(?), what she'd tell them may end up being far far worse. ]
not here....... but also kinda here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (next door)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
5/5
[ When in doubt, when you don't know what you say and you feel your inner self implode - a scream will do. His ears may hurt.
She covers her eyes with her hands too. T-The sunglasses aren't enough, being blind wasn't that bad after all! This is a total disaster, why did she come here? Why can't she turn back time and erase this from existence? Sniff. Whines. Sobbing. ]
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[ Like. He was expecting her to scream. But it’s still way louder than he was thinking!? His ears are absolutely ringing! That must be why there was an echo that sounded far away? Definitely not Rin screaming at the same time.
She’s crying now too?? He doesn’t regret it, but damn! ]
Woah, woah, woah— You scream like that and people are gonna assume shit!
[ Like his next door neighbor. Silco. That’s surely fine. ]
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You-You are the one who is assuming things!
[ Clearly. She's just being reasonable and totally not emotional. ]
I just thought when you rescued me... [Why would he break his rules if not because he's in love? And then you add all of his stalking, the flowers and so on. It started painting a very clear picture! Like heck if she's gonna elaborate though.] B-But that's nonsense! And you have Daybit!
[ He already has only five minutes a day, could you imagine if he had to share them? The poor man! ]
S-So stop saying nonsensical things!!
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…Ah. That’s…
[ That’s something he doesn’t know how to explain. His fondness for Daybit was something he’d had trouble accepting, as she’d personally seen. He’s still not even sure that it fits into the boxes she’s imagining. He’s not sure if it fits into any box at all, because there’s truly no one like them. Tezcatlipoca’s circumstances were unique, sure, but Daybit’s were shockingly unique for a mortal.
…But it’s not like Ereshkigal’s were much better. It’s why he’s had to think about it, and he’s still not sure if he has any kind of answer that would be satisfying for her. Like, he wouldn’t call himself a playboy, but he’s a god that’s always fucked around. He’s a trickster god, so that feels as natural as breathing, and it comes with the additional weight that his mischief is for a purpose. That’s what makes this a little more complicated for him. This—If it was anything, it was for himself. He’s not sure if that’s “allowed”.
It's why he stops teasing. His expression becomes more serious as he sighs. He really wishes he had a smoke right about now, but he’s not about to get up to fetch them. ]
—Look. I respect you and care about you. I think that goes without saying at this point. [ And he said it anyways, but. He pauses, then continues just as calmly. ] The way I favor you and the way I favor Daybit, it ain’t the same.
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... It's understandable. It would be like expecting me to care for you as I do for my little grape. [She's accepted her feelings for Ritsuka are a result of her having been the first person being so kind and friendly to her, and she's also accepted Ritsuka is unlikely to love her that way when she has hundreds of Servants. But that doesn't mean she is rid of those feelings. It's not that simple.] I could never.
[ It would be cruel to ask either of them to abandon their fondness for their respective human. She supposes to him, it's not a problem. Most gods are known to take on a multitude of lovers without problem. But on her end...
The thought is terrifying.
Always wondering if you're truly loved. If your partner loves their other partner more. If their other partner provides them with more comfort and love. If they spend more time together than you do. If they want to spend less time with you because they prefer being together. The fear would be constant and overwhelming, especially for someone with abysmal self-esteem such as her. ]
I think... My emotions have been left a tangled mess after I fell into the rift. [Does she even have feelings for him that developed the more they spent time together? Or is what she feels just a result of her imagination going wild when he rescued her? She slowly shakes her head.] Flowers don't belong to my Underworld anyway.
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Their thoughts are going in two different directions, though. She’s right that the very idea itself isn’t a problem to him, since this is an area where they’re opposites. Where her self-esteem is so low, his is maybe too high. He’s someone that’s completely unselfconscious. However… It’s not like there isn’t a concern at all. Saying it that way—favor—that’s because he’s reluctant to extend care too far. It’s his curse, his destiny, whatever you want to call it, but it’s absolute. When he likes something, it backfires. So, from her tone, he realizes that she’s taken a different meaning from it.
He makes a frustrated little noise, since explaining that probably won’t be any better, but. Mulling over his words there is short-lived when she gets to her point. He frowns much more deeply, and he looks and sounds surprisingly stern. ]
…What? You’d seriously give up, just like that?
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[ She sounds surprisingly serious and composed. Even though on the inside she is the most unimaginable mess in existence right now, this is a situation that calls for her to speak properly and not panic. And when needed, she can control herself - she'll just need some alone time afterward to recover is all. ]
I tried growing every seeds I ever got my hands on in the Underworld. Enkidu themselves tried getting flowers to grow. [Which - if he knows anything at all about Enkidu - should be an indictment of how helpless the cause is. If they couldn't, nobody can.] The solution you're proposing, it's really the only way, isn't it?
[ Merlin did it too when we fought Tiamat. He turned her tide into flowers, and they all vanished when he left. It makes sense honestly. If the Underworld rejects all forms of life, then someone who is capable of summoning flowers may be a way to cheat the way Kûr functions. ]
But what do you figure would happen? [She's not wording it more properly, but. Considering the misunderstandings and tension right now, she can't imagine something wouldn't happen after a hundred years spent mostly alone together in Kûr.] And how do you believe I would react knowing your thoughts oft drift towards others you "favor?" Knowing I am one of many?
[ The mere thought is unbearable. Thank goodness she's managing to hold onto the serious mode or her distress would show. ]
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So, her sticking point is a little surprising. It shows on his face for a moment, but it ends up softening his expression again as he dips his head into a laugh. It’s not mocking, just surprised, since that just feels so… human. He wasn’t expecting the problem to be exclusivity, so he plays off his laughter with a joke first. ]
Hey, who’s skipping steps now? What if I’m a terrible hang?
[ But he doesn’t give her the time to do much more than maybe squawk indignantly, since he continues after a little sigh. ]
…Maybe I’m teasing too much, though. [ YOU THINK? ] I got a point here, so bear with me. That’s not what I meant by favor, but there just ain’t a good word to encapsulate the depth of it. When I told you about Daybit—you know when I said that favor is against the rules?
[ It’s a bit of a rhetorical question, but he still pauses to wait for her response. He’s explaining it after all, he guesses. ]
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Maybe I'm teasing too much.
She can scarcely believe what her ears just heard. Is that one of those rare and elusive moments of self-awareness? Is he capable of admitting when he goes too far? Truly a man full of surprises. ]
So what is it you mean by favor then?
[ She's not going to play riddles and make guesses. This is important to her! He has no problems being straightforward usually, so she expects the same directness right here and now.
Evidently "favor" is a word he uses to mean a whole lot of things, and not necessarily the same ones depending on people. So his explanation better not be another riddle. ]
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Well, we can chalk it up to our shared language not being quite as precise. There’s the favor I give to people that undertake my trials, like Silco. Icnelia. That kind of favor is allowed for the god of impartiality, because our language, it’s poetry. That words means favoring and befriending someone, but when a god shows it? It also means bringing their death.
[ That’s not really what she asked, though. It might feel like he’s being evasive, but as his expression softens a little, it’s… sincere. It’s sincere in a way that’s very rare for him. This is clearly part of the explanation after all. ]
—But the favor we’re talking about here, it’s not that. It’s tlazotli. Holding something as more important, which is where it gets complicated.
[ …Technically, that’s not quite the translation, but. If he gives it literally, she’ll definitely get the wrong idea, so he’ll keep it simpler. ]
That’s against the rules. Call it a curse or bad luck or whatever, but the more I actually give a shit about something, the worse it turns out. [ He scoffs as he shrugs. ] It’s why I can’t shoot for shit. I like guns, but they’re uncooperative with me because I like ‘em.
[ It’s easier to make that joke and comparison, since it’s understandable. The cause and effect is obvious there. With people? Even he doesn’t know. Even when he could see the future clearly, those details always became fuzzy. Seeing the future also means you can’t touch your own. Even so. ]
Doesn’t stop me from trying, though. That’s what tlazotli means. Even if I know it won’t turn out well for me, I still want to give it.
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It's sad though. Not being able to love anyone because you're all alone is terrible. Being able to and it always leading to a bad ending? That's even worse. But: ]
You didn't answer my question.
[ Nice try, Tezcoo. But she's not letting that slide. ]
You've explained the consequences for you to give out this kind of favor, but you have barely touched on what said favor is. [A pause.] I believe there are more than enough words in the language we currently share for you to give a well-detailed yet concise explanation.
[ She stares at him. Intently. Coldly. She knows the tricks. ]
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[ He chokes out an uncomfortable noise, because he wasn’t actually trying to be sneaky here! He was just… hoping to not have to get pinned down by a specific answer. If this feels reminiscent of their conversation over Valentine letters, that’s completely fair, because it’s the same thing underpinning it. When it comes to actually putting that kind of favor into words— ]
What? That was clear from my actions, wasn’t it?
[ No. It was not. He’s still trying to sneak around it... ]
I gave up my organs to find you. Came down to the Underworld to see what made you decide that being a Beast was the way to go. Dove into the kinda death that’s for real for us both.
[ Which is all true, sure, but she knows it. It’s recent, and it doesn’t answer her question either. He huffs out a frustrated noise again but rubs his face with a hand. This shouldn’t be so difficult, and yet. ]
…I want you to get to be happy. Be a little less lonely, make an Underworld that’s more beautiful, whatever. For both of you, I see a fate that isn’t a fair one. So, I want to change it. No matter what that means for me.
1/2
So that's his answer. It appears to be something of an effort for him to say those words. And even then, it feels like he's still desperately trying to avoid employing other words. For the first time, she feels like the word "pathetic" may apply very accurately to Tezcatlipoca. That's the only appropriate word to describe such a sad display of avoidance and inability to express oneself.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ]
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And lo! She starts crying out loud. Whether Tezcatlipoca was actually being pathetic or not, he doesn't have to worry about it because she's making sure the crown for being a pathetic god remain firmly seated on her head.
It's true, he gave his organs for her. Risked death. And he's now offering to share in her fate. T-That's a lot, when she hears it being enumerated like that. Sniff. Sobbing. ]
I... I don't know what to say...
[ Literally, the software that is her soul just wasn't prepared for things to go that far today!
But there's still that little thing about exclusivity. M-Maybe she could kill everyone who gets his favor? No, bad thought. Besides, that'd just confirm his "it always goes wrong" curse. No way she would reinforce that.
So... She needs time. Because right now she doesn't know what to say or do. ]
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Sheesh… You’re hopeless.
[ There’s no bite in the words, though. Maybe this also something he sighs out for himself too. That inner monologue of hers is spot on, after all. But rather than just passively watch this time, he shifts closer and opens an arm up for her to slot into. Normally, he’d just go for the hug, but considering her interesting ideas about intimacy, he figures it’s better for her to take that slight initiative. ]
C’mere.
[ But whether she takes the offer or not, his words are the same. ]
You don’t have to. I meant what I said back then. I’m in your corner, no matter what.
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... Christmas dinners are going to be awkward, huh. ]
....?
[ Is... Is he offering her a hug?
She just stares at him for a moment, totally unsure what to do. Ereshkigal has hugged many of her friends, she's done it quite a bit actually. One could say she's become somewhat of a hug monster over her stay in this world! And she even hugged him once in a gesture of friendship.
But... That's so different right now.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Well clearly she can't make a decision. So that means she should act on impulse and without thinking! And so she goes for it and crash into him. Well not literally crash, but she does do it pretty quickly so he may feel the impact all the same. And she keeps crying, just against his shoulder now. ]
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[ Tezcatlipoca definitely huffs out a woah when she half-crashes into him, because even if he was expecting the impact if she took up the offer, she’s still strong! It’s at least not like some people who don’t know their own strength (Quetzalcoatl…), so he quickly recovers, and it’s with a quiet little laugh at just how aggressively she’d taken the offer. He doesn’t make fun of her, though.
He just wraps his arms around her and holds her.
It’s not a tight embrace, so she can easily pull away when she feels like it, but it’s still warm and quiet. He doesn’t even smell the cigarette smoke that might be expected—it’s campfire and copal. He leans his head against hers lightly and just holds her in this gentle way. It’s all understated, which suits him, but it’s not lacking in comfort. Sometimes this is all a soul at his campfire wants, after all.
She’ll strike up the conversation when she’s ready.
…Or run away. Either or. ]
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... In all seriousness though, it does feel nice. Not just hugging a friend but something - someone - who is precious to her in a different and unique way. She could get used to it. W-Which means she probably shouldn't linger for too long! After a moment of silence and when her tears have finally receded, she does finally pull back.
She keeps her eyes closed and takes a deep breath. ]
I... I am going to need some time.
[ Sometimes she does things on impulse but this situation deserves for her to seriously think about it. Especially since it's not just about her. With everything she has learned, one thing is clear: Tezcatlipoca can get hurt and suffer a whole lot, in ways physical wounds are unable to compare. And while he may be used to such suffering...
... She doesn't want to add to it. She cares just as much as he does ]
Suggesting you change your ways would be an extremely selfish and ultimately futile act. [She can't just ask him to "favor" only her and forget everyone else. Besides she knows she's in the minority here. Most gods don't care about exclusivity - and even fewer think about love and romance the way she does.] But I cannot ignore what my heart tells me either.
[ She knows herself. Should she overlook this difference between them and go ahead with all of this... She knows her insecurities and fears may turn this into a nightmare. One that would affect them both. She needs to think about all of this. Maybe reassess some truths she took as absolute.
... Hopefully nothing's going to happen in the coming days that complicate this train of thought. She turns around towards the door. ]
But no matter what conclusion I ultimately reach... [She tilts her head back and smiles at him.] Know I favor you, too.
[ She kind of gets it now. It's a good word to use that leaves a lot up to the imagination - she doesn't have to use more explicit and dangerous words when she uses that one! Well, she would never do it normally... But since he's the one who started this, she sees no problem with it. ]
1/2
Wouldn’t ask you to either. I feel the same way that we are who we are. [ …He’d been trying to avoid using words like this, but when it’s a joke, it’s not so bad. Maybe. ] Besides, can you even imagine me as the more romantic type? Doesn’t fit at all. I’m the cool, aloof anti-hero, if anything.
[ He has genre awareness here, though his is from movies rather than books… But it’s a playful joke to soften some of the tension, and he gives her a more sincere smile in return to hers. ]
So, take your time. If I’ve got your favor, then I’ll be satisfied either way.
MY INTERNET WENT OUT TRYING TO POST PART 2 LMF
…But he does have another thought, or rather. He has a vision of the potential future. Not as in his prescience, but as in being intuitive enough to see potential future headaches on the horizon (he has no idea). So, with a little “ah” and a pause, because this will really take away from the moment, but. ]
…And, uh. You screamed and then cried pretty loud, so if anyone comes to yell at me about it, I’m sending them your way.
[ like look he wants to be the bad boy but not THAT kind of bad boy,,, ]
tis fate
Therefore, that means he is likely to defy those expectations. Flawless deduction, if she says so herself. Besides, if she is to be honest, traditional heroes are the most boring romantic leads. You want someone who can do crazy things out of the blue to keep the story interesting, like awaken ORT to devour the planet or become a Beast intent on destroying the world.
... But of course he gotta say something that totally ruins the tone of the entire conversation. Sighs. Just as she's about to leave his room, she pauses and says: ]
Silco's next door, yes? [It's going exactly where he thinks it's going.] Well since he's your acolyte, I see no reason to lie to him.
[ And lo, she leaves!
... He may want to avoid sending people her way. Whatever trouble may arise from dealing with people who wonders why he made her cry(?), what she'd tell them may end up being far far worse. ]
not here....... but also kinda here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (next door)