[ They’d set a time, so naturally, Tezcatlipoca is expecting him. It means that answering the door is quick, but it also comes with a surprise, as it turns out. Because as I went to check all of the gifts he got for Christmas so I could describe his room, I forgot that one of them was from Sampo, so. The resident god of death, conflict, and the night wind is looking very, uh. Glittery.
He does not acknowledge this at all. Of course. ]
Yo. C’mon in.
[ It’s an easy, casual greeting, because even if his immediate reflex is to tease him for actually showing up, that would be disingenuous. He didn’t actually doubt that he would, since Kaladin is clearly a man of his word, even if it’s something as simple as this.
He steps back to let Kaladin come in, and at this point, Tezcatlipoca’s room does have some character to it. All of the furnishings themselves remain the standard, but there are little touches throughout that make it distinctly his. A bouquet of bright marigolds hangs upside down to dry by the window, a colorful calendar decorates a wall, and the various gifts he’s receives add further decorations—from a toy gun to the very statuette that Kaladin had given him. Sentimental indeed. There’s also a smoky scent that lingers in the air, but it’s not cigarettes—it’s a piney, almost like an incense, though its source isn’t clear.
But he just leads the short way to the desk that he’s pulled out further to make a makeshift table. There are actually two bottles and four glasses sitting on it waiting, but one bottle is significantly smaller than the other, more the size of a beer, though its contents are clearly visible as something opaque and white. ]
You were even right to wait a day, as it turns out. Got one of my hard to get specials delivered this morning, so you get the real shit.
Why are you sparkling? ( no easy, casual greeting is returned by kaladin, not when tezcatlipoca looks like he took a mortar and pestle to a pile of gemstones then sneezed. )
It's in your hair, ( he continues, stepping by to develop first impressions of the god's material comforts.
flowers, wall-hangings, knick-knacks, perfumes, liquors—half expected, half not. he recognizes his christmas addition sitting in a place of honour with a few unplaceable things, and when he turns back to tezcatlipoca and his spread of bottles and drinking glasses, kaladin wears a small smile.
it doesn't persist, gone when he takes a seat. but it was there, proof that he felt good. )
"Hard to get"... Are you sure you want to waste that on me? I don't drink often, and when I do, it's the weak stuff.
[ Honestly. Tezcatlipoca has pretty much forgotten about it, because he’s been dealing with it for multiple days now. Most people just ignore it, either because Tezcatlipoca can be intense and they don’t want to get on his bad side or they just accept that yeah, sure, this guy could be sparkling. So, the reminder makes him frown sourly, and he looks down at his arm like he’s just remembering it. ]
Yeah, I fuckin’ am. Can’t get this shit off, and trust me, I’ve tried. Day I got the stupid gift probably spent two hours in the showers until they came and kicked me out…
[ So if there wasn’t any hot water on the 28th, now we know who to blame. ]
I’m guessing I won Sampo’s poll about being the most beautiful Outsider, but haven’t confirmed yet because if I see the guy I might try and shoot him. It’s true, considering I’m a god of beauty, but damn.
[ It’s so matter-of-fact that it goes beyond just being self-confident or arrogant. That’s just how things go for gods, apparently… He takes the smaller bottle and pulls a cork out of the top. ]
Anyways, yeah, I’m sure. You’re even in luck, since pulque ain’t strong at all. [ He starts to pour it, and though the smell isn’t overly strong, it’s definitely fermented. ] You don’t like it, good news is that you get the harder stuff instead.
I haven't met Sampo. ( grunted, as though he never wants to. if sampo's the type to glitter-bomb people, kaladin, allergic to fun, has no business being around him. ) But congratulations on the win.
... Before you ask, I didn't vote for you, ( says the man who didn't vote at all—teasing friends is a privilege, not a right.
tezcatlipoca divvies out their liquor while kaladin watches with interest. the liquid is unique, having seen several colours of wine but never white. even horneater white—an alcohol originating in the mountains, strong enough to strip paint—is clear. )
It's pronounced "pulque"? ( it's tried on again in more of a mutter. ) I'll stick with it, however it tastes... Tez, just how many things are you a god of, anyway? That's maybe the third one I've heard. Is having many claims a trait of Earth deities?
[ Tezcatlipoca does smirk with just how dour the mention of Sampo comes out, if only because he can read between the lines there. Imagining the two of them meeting is immediately amusing, since he’s sure that Sampo would baffle the guy. Hell, Sampo baffles him sometimes, but that’s why he likes him. Glitter and all. ]
Ha. You denying my beauty right to my face? Pretty bold. [ He pushes one cup towards Kaladin once he’s done pouring it and gets started on the second for himself. ] Kidding. Wasn’t a big deal, but was pretty fun arguing all day about who was the fairest of ‘em all and all that. I’m guessing that’s what Sampo was going for, since he’s a mischievous guy.
[ With his cup poured, he sets the bottle down so that he can pick up the drink instead. He smile becomes just a fraction warmer as he raises it enough to catch the smell, since for him, it really is a treat. ]
Yep, pulque. Can also call it “metoctli” if you want, but I’m pretty much the only one that’d know what you’re talkin’ about. Everyone uses the Spanish name nowadays.
[ For Kaladin’s experience of it… Well. Pulque is in the realm of tastes that are acquired. The smell is both sour and slightly yeasty, but the actual taste is very slightly sweet. It’s slightly fizzy and has the consistency of a thin maple syrup. So as far as it goes, Tezcatlipoca has a good hook-up to get it, but it makes sense why this isn’t exactly a popular beverage.
At least he’ll get a decent answer to his question, if nothing else. After Tezcatlipoca takes his first drink, he straightens a finger on his cup to point at him with a sly smile. ]
But yeah, I’m the god of a hell of a lot. The gods of Earth tend to have multiple things they oversee, but I’ve got more than most. It’s complicated in terms of the practical, the A then B kinda way that mortal people experience the world, but to oversimplify it? I’m just the responsible one in the family. You pick up lots of extra shit by being good at your job, yeah? Same thing.
I was lucky enough to miss that debate; if the god of beauty participates, you don't put yourself in the running. Seems a little unfair, if you ask me.
Thanks. ( taking up his cup, he's polite enough not to outright sniff the pulque. tezacatlipoca is casual enough that kaladin doesn't think he'd mind. storms, he'd probably think an outright insult of the liquor was funny. still, it'd feel wrong, and he wasn't raised to be rude. )
If you call it metoctli, so will I. It's difficult getting used to the pronunciation of your language, but that's no excuse not to try.
( his first sip goes well. kaladin has had worse and better drinks. orange wine, commonly drunk by him, is sweet and gingery. if it were mixed in with a beer derived from fermented grain, it may be the closest analogue. the texture is the hardest part to accept, clinging to his tongue and throat after he swallows. )
That's... interesting, ( he says, clearing his throat. the cup is lifted to acknowledge tezcatlipoca's own drink. a subtle "cheers." )
The metoctli, not—Well, your history is, too. So far, you've shown me a level head, Tez. Are you suggesting your family is derelict in their duties? Or... mad, perhaps?
[ Truth be told, he hadn’t put himself in the running. But consider it was Set who had… He considers that little better for Kaladin’s point. He laughs it off, since he doesn’t know how it turned out otherwise, and it’s a topic he drops quickly anyways. Kaladin’s insistence on using the Nahuatl name for it softens his smile, even if it’s minutely. It’s a consideration he appreciates, even if he wouldn’t say it. His feelings about such things are just complicated. ]
Ha. You’ve done better with it than anyone else I’ve poured a glass for.
[ He raises his cup in a cheers back, even if he chuckles because of how he clears his throat. There really isn’t much like this drink of the gods, so it’s been fun to introduce it to people. Daybit hadn’t done well with it at all, for example.
Getting into matters of “family”—so far as he would call his pantheon that—is at least adjacent to why he’d insisted on having a conversation in person. It’s not quite the start that he’d imagined, but he imagines they’ll make it there. Destruction is woven into the very fabric of their world, after all. So, he shrugs. ]
Nah, wouldn’t go so far as to seriously say either. We’ve got some lazy ones and some that you could call mad for sure. Hell, that’d apply to my brothers Quetzalcoatl and Xipe Totec respectively. But like I said, I’m oversimplifying it. Easier to just call everyone a slacker than to get into how we gods are created for specific purposes and destinies.
[ But, hey, he’s into it now, so. He takes another drink but sets the cup down after that. ]
And part of mine is prescience. Even looking at all the cultures and gods of the world, there’s only a handful that can claim that, and far as I know, none of ‘em are as far-seeing as I am. I’ve always known the future. I’ve always seen the Parallel Worlds that make up the universe. That’s more what I mean by responsibility. You have to be level-headed to have that understanding of all things, to put it lightly.
[ He shrugs, and his cool smile tilts to be a little sly. It might not be what’s on Kaladin’s mind, but it’s something he’d guess that most people would ask him. ]
But before you ask, can’t see shit here. Part of that’s related to the end of the world I told you about, part of that is LILITH cheapin’ out and not being able to grab my full existence. I’m flying just as blind as anyone else when it comes to this world.
( tezcatlipoca drinks, too. it's easier now to ease back into his chair, experiencing the first—in a while—rush of blood made to feel heavy in his veins by the metoctli. )
To See and know the future is heretical in Alethkar. But maybe Gods—even the slackers—have an excuse, ( kaladin explains about vorinism, the religion binding his people to outdated sentiments. learning of tezcatlipoca's prescience is uncomfortable for him, but in the last year, he and other alethi have been letting a lot go.
new traditions and beliefs will phase out the old. )
Is it frightening? ( put casually despite the fact he's talking to the embodiment of a few concepts. assigning feelings to things that ought not to have feelings assigned to them is what humans do best. while he may be a flawed example, kaladin still applies. ) Not being able to See when you ordinarily can.
[ The mention of heresy makes Tezcatlipoca laugh, but it’s a slightly odd one. He sounds amused, almost nostalgic like this is something he’s heard before, but there’s not much humor in it. There’s a moment as he considers what to say about that, since he has a hell of a lot, really, but the quiet lingers further at the second question. Ironically, though, that one is easier. ]
Nah. Part of that’s just that fear isn’t exactly an emotion that I feel, though. Things that drive fear, they just don’t apply to me.
[ He says it casually with a shrug, but doesn’t elaborate further, since it doesn’t feel important. Diving into the philosophy of what drives fear and therefore how it’s a more mortal phenomenon is a different topic entirely. ]
But other part… How do I put this. [ He takes another drink like it’ll help him get to his answer or at least provide a beat to think about it. ] Well, think of the world like it’s a story. I don’t know the “correct” twist of where the story is heading, but I know all the possible ones. Makes it a little dull. You can gamble on which path you think it’ll take, but there’s still no surprise. That’s also the point. It’s why I’m conflict, not war, since knowing the future makes me pretty impartial on influencing it.
[ Not completely, though, as the Lostbelt has proven. He tries to not dwell on it too much. But he huffs out a little laugh, and this one is fonder. ]
So not knowing for once, it ain’t bad. Can finally experience the world like most people do.
That's good, ( kaladin softly praises tezcatlipoca's inability; he doesn't want him to experience fear. not being triggered by the things that drive it, and therefore never experiencing it at all... what must that be like?
kaladin thinks he's been afraid ever since he was a child. afraid of high expectations. afraid of disappointing the people he loves. afraid of failing his comrades to terrible effect. afraid of losing what feels like an unwinnable war against himself.
afraid of the god that sits across from him now. conflict. death. )
You strike me as a gambling man, so I'm a little surprised. But we all want what we don't have... I suppose Gods experience that sometimes, too. If not desiring the feeling itself, then perhaps the perspective. ( but perhaps that sounds stupid. he's never been all that good at philosophizing, nor has any man when it's discouraged for them to think altogether too hard. tezcatlipoca indulges him, so he doesn't stop, taking a far easier swig of his drink now that the taste is already coating his tongue. )
Tezcatlipoca... what is conflict? Being the embodiment of it, you should know. Is your domain only external conflict? Disagreements between men, and the battles that result?
Ha, don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely a gambler. It’s kinda what I was up to back home, when it comes down to it. I treat all sides of a conflict impartially, since winner or loser, they’re underneath the Black Sun, but doesn’t mean I can’t treat one side with a little fondness.
[ That’s technically what they were going to talk about, since it’s all wrapped up in the end of his world, but he doesn’t mind this path of the conversation. Maybe they’ll get to that. Maybe they won’t. He doesn’t really mind either way, since it always feels more appropriate for those he encounters to direct the conversation as they wish. Whether it’s at a quiet, misty campfire or an ultramodern table sharing an ancient drink, it doesn’t change this part of his duties. ]
If you’re asking, I think you know the answer.
[ Getting to a more serious, philosophical question gets his tone to calm from the playful mischievousness. He nods and tilts his cup around idly in a circle to swirl the liquid. It seems like that might be his only retort, the kind of frustrating non-answer that’s always present in stories of gods (and trickster gods especially!), but he does end up elaborating. ]
Conflict is the driver of change, simple as. It’s the ultimate neutral force, because conflict doesn’t care what it results in, practically speaking. It can be destructive, sure, and that’s what most people tend to think of it as. It’s war and death, or if you take it real personal, it’s “evil”. But it’s creative too. It’s just as much those things as it is a negotiation, personal growth, even the birth of a new life. It’s the struggle that pushes the world forward to a new tomorrow, since whether you’ve survived a blood-soaked battlefield or simply confronted a facet of your own heart, you’re changed. The person you were before belongs only to the past.
[ He takes a drink with his eyes on Kaladin, and the attention is probably slightly uncomfortable. His pale gaze is intense, like he’s able to readily see some secret of Kaladin’s soul. Maybe if he were fully divine, he could, but here? It’s just an expression of interest to see how he might process the idea. ]
cw: more suicidal ideation/dissociation... will e-transfer $200 for therapy session
( an impartial god. he was bothered by that when he first arrived, but after a few discussions with tezcatlipoca, he's come to accept him like a man would a sensation on the skin. he can philosophize about how and why a feeling exists, but never fully grasp how it came into being. although tezcatlipoca looks and acts human, he isn't. he's a concept, and there's something indescribably natural about that and his presence in the room.
tezcatlipoca stares at him, and kaladin stares back. he doesn't shy from it, accustomed to staring death in the face. that doesn't mean he doesn't recall how those times felt. he was scared, yes—so scared of dying. but tezcatlipoca's attention gives him the same sense of total calm as standing at the edge of the honour chasm. that night, the wind pushed at his back and the rain wetted the surface of the rock beneath his feet. both promised him that even if he lost his nerve, they would help him follow through.
kaladin's foot slides forward beneath the table, and the toe of his boot meets tezcatlipoca's in a tap that startles damp eyes into awareness. he's momentarily stunned; here, there's a solid floor, not the open air of a sheer drop into the dark. )
Storms, Tezcatlipoca, I'm sorry, ( he whispers, realizing he's become emotional. his hand leaves his drink to erase that sign of stress, once with the heel of his palm and again with the backs of his fingers. ) That only conflict can bring about a change is hard to accept. The more I try to understand that, the more I want to deny it. I suppose the last push toward acceptance is all a big part of it, but while I'm physically able to distance myself from the past, mentally I... I'm very tired.
( forcing a smile makes his face look stiff, so it's dropped, effort wasted. it won't be believed. but either way, tezcatlipoca—both the ache in his throat and the relief of it subsiding—will continue to drink with him. that's an encouraging thought.
eventually, this life will end. eventually, the conflict will stop. but not yet. they still have drinks to drink. )
Thank you for defining it. For explaining yourself, and for being patient. I know I'm... difficult.
[ He doesn’t have any special insight into Kaladin’s psyche (well, not in this form, at least), but he’s still wise enough to watch the shifts in his expression. His gaze doesn’t soften in the face of what he sees, but he gets a better sense of why this is something that interests him. Conflict is written in every detail of his expression, but especially that slightly glassy look in his eyes. No wonder he was curious about the internal conflicts, huh?
What finally gets Tezcatlipoca’s nearly oppressive attention to shift is that bump of their feet. He’s surprised too, but it breaks the intensity with a look of surprise that’s followed by a cool shrug. Tezcatlipoca relaxes again as he sits back in his chair to listen. Honestly, he’s tempted to fish out a cigarette, but getting the no smoking alert blaring would definitely ruin the ambiance they have going here. ]
Ha. You, difficult? No need to apologize, since I don’t think you are.
[ Granted, what he considers “difficult” is also atypical. A difficult person is someone like Chaldea’s Master, someone who stands against the domains that Tezcatlipoca holds to the most strongly. Thus, LILITH has no shortage of difficult people, since there are plenty of people that would completely deny Tezcatlipoca’s words. ]
If you’re tired, rest. Believe it or not, I’m big on that too.
[ He flashes him a cheeky, toothy grin where it’s hard to tell how serious he is… But it is true. He’s a god of many domains, and many of them are also contradictory, at least at the surface. ]
No shame in that. Or in having to work to accept conflict, for that matter. Latter’s pretty counterintuitive, even, since that’s a sentiment that gets depressing for people if they take it the wrong way. But just making sure you’ve got the strength of mind and body to continue, that’s nothing to scoff at.
[ He nods to the cup in Kaladin’s hand. ]
So, anytime you feel like relaxing, you let me know. Can’t promise metoctli every time, but I've got plenty of ways to blow off steam.
( it's the simplest advice that sticks with him the most. if a god tells him rest is allowed and necessary, isn't it unquestionably true? the words come from the highest authority, after all.
unfortunately, kaladin has witnessed gods make mistakes. this puts them at a lower status—but higher in his estimations. everything and everyone is fallible, even feelings, concepts, and spirits. it makes him crack a small, watery smile when tezcatlipoca grins at him, and then it's gone behind a forearm. )
What do you suggest? ( his arm comes away after a hurried wipe, reddened eyes aiming down into his metoctli. ) Wrestle a kaiju? Win the next beauty contest? Defeat my inner demons? Join one of the Everlights' pillow fights at two in the morning?
( lists them all like they're all comparable.......... )
[ Honestly, this is pretty much the answer he expects. He has a pretty good idea of the kind of man Kaladin is by now, and thus, he’s the kind of guy with the “I’ll rest when I’m dead” mentality. He can’t say he dislikes it—hell, that’s a personality trait he’s drawn to, if he’s honest. It’s why the list of options and immediate refusal makes him laugh. ]
Why not? Those all sound fun, save for the inner demons one. If you think that’s rest, well, leads into my question nicely. Feel like I know the answer too, but I’m going to ask anyways.
[ With his glass still in hand, he points across the desk at Kaladin. ]
What do you do on your days off? What’s “fun” for you?
If you know the answer, do I really have to say it? ( his voice lacks its usual fire, sounding more tired than anything. )
I... I work. I train. I keep my mind occupied. If I don't... It's not pretty, Tez. I'm not all that familiar with "fun."
( tez won't care, or it won't bother him or linger with him, but he still feels it necessary to warn him. warn everyone. maybe then they won't expect so much of him. he's not reliable—not anymore. )
I like to go on walks sometimes. And I like sitting here with you.
Yep. Surely you get that I don’t ask questions for no reason, right?
[ But he laughs gently even so, and he also smiles with an expression that’s a bit hard to place. It looks like fondness, but still not quite right—like there’s something more complicated that comes with it. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, but it’s a familiar answer all the same. ]
Well, can’t say I’m opposed to those options. Any of ‘em. Training, meditating, havin’ a talk with yours truly, that’s all good shit for warrior to do.
[ The “but” is clear in his tone, though. He lets that linger as he takes a solid, slow drink, and his own pale eyes are directed down. He’s thinking about something, but it’s still with an easy smile. It doesn’t remain overly mysterious and contemplative long, though. Just long enough to maybe make Kaladin wonder what he’s thinking. ]
We’ll have a night of fun, if it’s all the same to you, then. Doesn’t have to be any more than that. But let’s just say I know your type. And therefore, it’s valuable to see how people spend their time. Can guarantee you’ll learn something, even if it’s just why you end up at my bar so often.
( it feels like adolin's here, guiding him to socialize again. kaladin didn't realize how much he missed him until now, being encouraged so similarly by tezcatlipoca. his friend from home always assured him that hanging out with others didn't require smiles and good humour, just presence of body and mind. he takes that advice and combines it with tezcatlipoca's.
blonds, he thinks, smiling. )
It's all the same to me. I can't promise a good mood, but I can promise I'll learn something. I already have—from you.
( watching people has always been a hobby. how they go about their day, how they interact with others. how they persist despite everything terrible happening in their lives—and everyone has something.
he has a drink to tezcatlipoca's words, again polishing off his glass. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He does not acknowledge this at all. Of course. ]
Yo. C’mon in.
[ It’s an easy, casual greeting, because even if his immediate reflex is to tease him for actually showing up, that would be disingenuous. He didn’t actually doubt that he would, since Kaladin is clearly a man of his word, even if it’s something as simple as this.
He steps back to let Kaladin come in, and at this point, Tezcatlipoca’s room does have some character to it. All of the furnishings themselves remain the standard, but there are little touches throughout that make it distinctly his. A bouquet of bright marigolds hangs upside down to dry by the window, a colorful calendar decorates a wall, and the various gifts he’s receives add further decorations—from a toy gun to the very statuette that Kaladin had given him. Sentimental indeed. There’s also a smoky scent that lingers in the air, but it’s not cigarettes—it’s a piney, almost like an incense, though its source isn’t clear.
But he just leads the short way to the desk that he’s pulled out further to make a makeshift table. There are actually two bottles and four glasses sitting on it waiting, but one bottle is significantly smaller than the other, more the size of a beer, though its contents are clearly visible as something opaque and white. ]
You were even right to wait a day, as it turns out. Got one of my hard to get specials delivered this morning, so you get the real shit.
no subject
It's in your hair, ( he continues, stepping by to develop first impressions of the god's material comforts.
flowers, wall-hangings, knick-knacks, perfumes, liquors—half expected, half not. he recognizes his christmas addition sitting in a place of honour with a few unplaceable things, and when he turns back to tezcatlipoca and his spread of bottles and drinking glasses, kaladin wears a small smile.
it doesn't persist, gone when he takes a seat. but it was there, proof that he felt good. )
"Hard to get"... Are you sure you want to waste that on me? I don't drink often, and when I do, it's the weak stuff.
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Yeah, I fuckin’ am. Can’t get this shit off, and trust me, I’ve tried. Day I got the stupid gift probably spent two hours in the showers until they came and kicked me out…
[ So if there wasn’t any hot water on the 28th, now we know who to blame. ]
I’m guessing I won Sampo’s poll about being the most beautiful Outsider, but haven’t confirmed yet because if I see the guy I might try and shoot him. It’s true, considering I’m a god of beauty, but damn.
[ It’s so matter-of-fact that it goes beyond just being self-confident or arrogant. That’s just how things go for gods, apparently… He takes the smaller bottle and pulls a cork out of the top. ]
Anyways, yeah, I’m sure. You’re even in luck, since pulque ain’t strong at all. [ He starts to pour it, and though the smell isn’t overly strong, it’s definitely fermented. ] You don’t like it, good news is that you get the harder stuff instead.
no subject
... Before you ask, I didn't vote for you, ( says the man who didn't vote at all—teasing friends is a privilege, not a right.
tezcatlipoca divvies out their liquor while kaladin watches with interest. the liquid is unique, having seen several colours of wine but never white. even horneater white—an alcohol originating in the mountains, strong enough to strip paint—is clear. )
It's pronounced "pulque"? ( it's tried on again in more of a mutter. ) I'll stick with it, however it tastes... Tez, just how many things are you a god of, anyway? That's maybe the third one I've heard. Is having many claims a trait of Earth deities?
no subject
Ha. You denying my beauty right to my face? Pretty bold. [ He pushes one cup towards Kaladin once he’s done pouring it and gets started on the second for himself. ] Kidding. Wasn’t a big deal, but was pretty fun arguing all day about who was the fairest of ‘em all and all that. I’m guessing that’s what Sampo was going for, since he’s a mischievous guy.
[ With his cup poured, he sets the bottle down so that he can pick up the drink instead. He smile becomes just a fraction warmer as he raises it enough to catch the smell, since for him, it really is a treat. ]
Yep, pulque. Can also call it “metoctli” if you want, but I’m pretty much the only one that’d know what you’re talkin’ about. Everyone uses the Spanish name nowadays.
[ For Kaladin’s experience of it… Well. Pulque is in the realm of tastes that are acquired. The smell is both sour and slightly yeasty, but the actual taste is very slightly sweet. It’s slightly fizzy and has the consistency of a thin maple syrup. So as far as it goes, Tezcatlipoca has a good hook-up to get it, but it makes sense why this isn’t exactly a popular beverage.
At least he’ll get a decent answer to his question, if nothing else. After Tezcatlipoca takes his first drink, he straightens a finger on his cup to point at him with a sly smile. ]
But yeah, I’m the god of a hell of a lot. The gods of Earth tend to have multiple things they oversee, but I’ve got more than most. It’s complicated in terms of the practical, the A then B kinda way that mortal people experience the world, but to oversimplify it? I’m just the responsible one in the family. You pick up lots of extra shit by being good at your job, yeah? Same thing.
no subject
Thanks. ( taking up his cup, he's polite enough not to outright sniff the pulque. tezacatlipoca is casual enough that kaladin doesn't think he'd mind. storms, he'd probably think an outright insult of the liquor was funny. still, it'd feel wrong, and he wasn't raised to be rude. )
If you call it metoctli, so will I. It's difficult getting used to the pronunciation of your language, but that's no excuse not to try.
( his first sip goes well. kaladin has had worse and better drinks. orange wine, commonly drunk by him, is sweet and gingery. if it were mixed in with a beer derived from fermented grain, it may be the closest analogue. the texture is the hardest part to accept, clinging to his tongue and throat after he swallows. )
That's... interesting, ( he says, clearing his throat. the cup is lifted to acknowledge tezcatlipoca's own drink. a subtle "cheers." )
The metoctli, not—Well, your history is, too. So far, you've shown me a level head, Tez. Are you suggesting your family is derelict in their duties? Or... mad, perhaps?
no subject
Ha. You’ve done better with it than anyone else I’ve poured a glass for.
[ He raises his cup in a cheers back, even if he chuckles because of how he clears his throat. There really isn’t much like this drink of the gods, so it’s been fun to introduce it to people. Daybit hadn’t done well with it at all, for example.
Getting into matters of “family”—so far as he would call his pantheon that—is at least adjacent to why he’d insisted on having a conversation in person. It’s not quite the start that he’d imagined, but he imagines they’ll make it there. Destruction is woven into the very fabric of their world, after all. So, he shrugs. ]
Nah, wouldn’t go so far as to seriously say either. We’ve got some lazy ones and some that you could call mad for sure. Hell, that’d apply to my brothers Quetzalcoatl and Xipe Totec respectively. But like I said, I’m oversimplifying it. Easier to just call everyone a slacker than to get into how we gods are created for specific purposes and destinies.
[ But, hey, he’s into it now, so. He takes another drink but sets the cup down after that. ]
And part of mine is prescience. Even looking at all the cultures and gods of the world, there’s only a handful that can claim that, and far as I know, none of ‘em are as far-seeing as I am. I’ve always known the future. I’ve always seen the Parallel Worlds that make up the universe. That’s more what I mean by responsibility. You have to be level-headed to have that understanding of all things, to put it lightly.
[ He shrugs, and his cool smile tilts to be a little sly. It might not be what’s on Kaladin’s mind, but it’s something he’d guess that most people would ask him. ]
But before you ask, can’t see shit here. Part of that’s related to the end of the world I told you about, part of that is LILITH cheapin’ out and not being able to grab my full existence. I’m flying just as blind as anyone else when it comes to this world.
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To See and know the future is heretical in Alethkar. But maybe Gods—even the slackers—have an excuse, ( kaladin explains about vorinism, the religion binding his people to outdated sentiments. learning of tezcatlipoca's prescience is uncomfortable for him, but in the last year, he and other alethi have been letting a lot go.
new traditions and beliefs will phase out the old. )
Is it frightening? ( put casually despite the fact he's talking to the embodiment of a few concepts. assigning feelings to things that ought not to have feelings assigned to them is what humans do best. while he may be a flawed example, kaladin still applies. ) Not being able to See when you ordinarily can.
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Nah. Part of that’s just that fear isn’t exactly an emotion that I feel, though. Things that drive fear, they just don’t apply to me.
[ He says it casually with a shrug, but doesn’t elaborate further, since it doesn’t feel important. Diving into the philosophy of what drives fear and therefore how it’s a more mortal phenomenon is a different topic entirely. ]
But other part… How do I put this. [ He takes another drink like it’ll help him get to his answer or at least provide a beat to think about it. ] Well, think of the world like it’s a story. I don’t know the “correct” twist of where the story is heading, but I know all the possible ones. Makes it a little dull. You can gamble on which path you think it’ll take, but there’s still no surprise. That’s also the point. It’s why I’m conflict, not war, since knowing the future makes me pretty impartial on influencing it.
[ Not completely, though, as the Lostbelt has proven. He tries to not dwell on it too much. But he huffs out a little laugh, and this one is fonder. ]
So not knowing for once, it ain’t bad. Can finally experience the world like most people do.
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kaladin thinks he's been afraid ever since he was a child. afraid of high expectations. afraid of disappointing the people he loves. afraid of failing his comrades to terrible effect. afraid of losing what feels like an unwinnable war against himself.
afraid of the god that sits across from him now. conflict. death. )
You strike me as a gambling man, so I'm a little surprised. But we all want what we don't have... I suppose Gods experience that sometimes, too. If not desiring the feeling itself, then perhaps the perspective. ( but perhaps that sounds stupid. he's never been all that good at philosophizing, nor has any man when it's discouraged for them to think altogether too hard. tezcatlipoca indulges him, so he doesn't stop, taking a far easier swig of his drink now that the taste is already coating his tongue. )
Tezcatlipoca... what is conflict? Being the embodiment of it, you should know. Is your domain only external conflict? Disagreements between men, and the battles that result?
Or is it more? Is it... internal, too?
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[ That’s technically what they were going to talk about, since it’s all wrapped up in the end of his world, but he doesn’t mind this path of the conversation. Maybe they’ll get to that. Maybe they won’t. He doesn’t really mind either way, since it always feels more appropriate for those he encounters to direct the conversation as they wish. Whether it’s at a quiet, misty campfire or an ultramodern table sharing an ancient drink, it doesn’t change this part of his duties. ]
If you’re asking, I think you know the answer.
[ Getting to a more serious, philosophical question gets his tone to calm from the playful mischievousness. He nods and tilts his cup around idly in a circle to swirl the liquid. It seems like that might be his only retort, the kind of frustrating non-answer that’s always present in stories of gods (and trickster gods especially!), but he does end up elaborating. ]
Conflict is the driver of change, simple as. It’s the ultimate neutral force, because conflict doesn’t care what it results in, practically speaking. It can be destructive, sure, and that’s what most people tend to think of it as. It’s war and death, or if you take it real personal, it’s “evil”. But it’s creative too. It’s just as much those things as it is a negotiation, personal growth, even the birth of a new life. It’s the struggle that pushes the world forward to a new tomorrow, since whether you’ve survived a blood-soaked battlefield or simply confronted a facet of your own heart, you’re changed. The person you were before belongs only to the past.
[ He takes a drink with his eyes on Kaladin, and the attention is probably slightly uncomfortable. His pale gaze is intense, like he’s able to readily see some secret of Kaladin’s soul. Maybe if he were fully divine, he could, but here? It’s just an expression of interest to see how he might process the idea. ]
cw: more suicidal ideation/dissociation... will e-transfer $200 for therapy session
tezcatlipoca stares at him, and kaladin stares back. he doesn't shy from it, accustomed to staring death in the face. that doesn't mean he doesn't recall how those times felt. he was scared, yes—so scared of dying. but tezcatlipoca's attention gives him the same sense of total calm as standing at the edge of the honour chasm. that night, the wind pushed at his back and the rain wetted the surface of the rock beneath his feet. both promised him that even if he lost his nerve, they would help him follow through.
kaladin's foot slides forward beneath the table, and the toe of his boot meets tezcatlipoca's in a tap that startles damp eyes into awareness. he's momentarily stunned; here, there's a solid floor, not the open air of a sheer drop into the dark. )
Storms, Tezcatlipoca, I'm sorry, ( he whispers, realizing he's become emotional. his hand leaves his drink to erase that sign of stress, once with the heel of his palm and again with the backs of his fingers. ) That only conflict can bring about a change is hard to accept. The more I try to understand that, the more I want to deny it. I suppose the last push toward acceptance is all a big part of it, but while I'm physically able to distance myself from the past, mentally I... I'm very tired.
( forcing a smile makes his face look stiff, so it's dropped, effort wasted. it won't be believed. but either way, tezcatlipoca—both the ache in his throat and the relief of it subsiding—will continue to drink with him. that's an encouraging thought.
eventually, this life will end. eventually, the conflict will stop. but not yet. they still have drinks to drink. )
Thank you for defining it. For explaining yourself, and for being patient. I know I'm... difficult.
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What finally gets Tezcatlipoca’s nearly oppressive attention to shift is that bump of their feet. He’s surprised too, but it breaks the intensity with a look of surprise that’s followed by a cool shrug. Tezcatlipoca relaxes again as he sits back in his chair to listen. Honestly, he’s tempted to fish out a cigarette, but getting the no smoking alert blaring would definitely ruin the ambiance they have going here. ]
Ha. You, difficult? No need to apologize, since I don’t think you are.
[ Granted, what he considers “difficult” is also atypical. A difficult person is someone like Chaldea’s Master, someone who stands against the domains that Tezcatlipoca holds to the most strongly. Thus, LILITH has no shortage of difficult people, since there are plenty of people that would completely deny Tezcatlipoca’s words. ]
If you’re tired, rest. Believe it or not, I’m big on that too.
[ He flashes him a cheeky, toothy grin where it’s hard to tell how serious he is… But it is true. He’s a god of many domains, and many of them are also contradictory, at least at the surface. ]
No shame in that. Or in having to work to accept conflict, for that matter. Latter’s pretty counterintuitive, even, since that’s a sentiment that gets depressing for people if they take it the wrong way. But just making sure you’ve got the strength of mind and body to continue, that’s nothing to scoff at.
[ He nods to the cup in Kaladin’s hand. ]
So, anytime you feel like relaxing, you let me know. Can’t promise metoctli every time, but I've got plenty of ways to blow off steam.
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( it's the simplest advice that sticks with him the most. if a god tells him rest is allowed and necessary, isn't it unquestionably true? the words come from the highest authority, after all.
unfortunately, kaladin has witnessed gods make mistakes. this puts them at a lower status—but higher in his estimations. everything and everyone is fallible, even feelings, concepts, and spirits. it makes him crack a small, watery smile when tezcatlipoca grins at him, and then it's gone behind a forearm. )
What do you suggest? ( his arm comes away after a hurried wipe, reddened eyes aiming down into his metoctli. ) Wrestle a kaiju? Win the next beauty contest? Defeat my inner demons? Join one of the Everlights' pillow fights at two in the morning?
( lists them all like they're all comparable.......... )
No thanks.
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Why not? Those all sound fun, save for the inner demons one. If you think that’s rest, well, leads into my question nicely. Feel like I know the answer too, but I’m going to ask anyways.
[ With his glass still in hand, he points across the desk at Kaladin. ]
What do you do on your days off? What’s “fun” for you?
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I... I work. I train. I keep my mind occupied. If I don't... It's not pretty, Tez. I'm not all that familiar with "fun."
( tez won't care, or it won't bother him or linger with him, but he still feels it necessary to warn him. warn everyone. maybe then they won't expect so much of him. he's not reliable—not anymore. )
I like to go on walks sometimes. And I like sitting here with you.
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[ But he laughs gently even so, and he also smiles with an expression that’s a bit hard to place. It looks like fondness, but still not quite right—like there’s something more complicated that comes with it. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, but it’s a familiar answer all the same. ]
Well, can’t say I’m opposed to those options. Any of ‘em. Training, meditating, havin’ a talk with yours truly, that’s all good shit for warrior to do.
[ The “but” is clear in his tone, though. He lets that linger as he takes a solid, slow drink, and his own pale eyes are directed down. He’s thinking about something, but it’s still with an easy smile. It doesn’t remain overly mysterious and contemplative long, though. Just long enough to maybe make Kaladin wonder what he’s thinking. ]
We’ll have a night of fun, if it’s all the same to you, then. Doesn’t have to be any more than that. But let’s just say I know your type. And therefore, it’s valuable to see how people spend their time. Can guarantee you’ll learn something, even if it’s just why you end up at my bar so often.
GOOD TO WRAP UP HERE TBH ✨
blonds, he thinks, smiling. )
It's all the same to me. I can't promise a good mood, but I can promise I'll learn something. I already have—from you.
( watching people has always been a hobby. how they go about their day, how they interact with others. how they persist despite everything terrible happening in their lives—and everyone has something.
he has a drink to tezcatlipoca's words, again polishing off his glass. )
Name a time and place, Tez. I'll be there.